So Real That It Hurt

I told him I'd treat him like a queen treats her king
And that I'd give him my any and everything
But then I guess he hated having someone that would treat him right
Because he turned around, walked out the door and said goodbye
I can't explain how broken I felt and trust me it wasn't his fault, I just wondered what was so wrong with me that everyone leaves.
Maybe it's the flesh on my hips or the cracks on my soul, or maybe it's the scars beneath my sleeves.
I don't know the reason and I probably never will
But some warning would be nice, a little note before my soul you kill
And please just remember that when you leave me you leave with a piece of my heart
Remember that I feel every bruise and every mark
So next time you ask, no I'm not okay
I'm just trying to get through everyday
But the pain can be so blinding, hiding what's left of me
The pain can be so toxic that it kills what's left of me.
The pain stops being just emotional and it leaks into my soul
It affects me and that's me as a whole
So that's why I can't trust you, that's why I'm kind of an introvert
It's because the pain was too much to handle, so real that it hurt.

Dear No One

Dear no one

I remember after he died that there was this horrible sort of emptiness.

The kind that belonged in the dark,

In the deepest depths of your personal abyss,

The kind you try and keep hidden away,

The kind that no one liked to admit they carry on their shoulders even when they’ve fallen to their knees.

I remember it as if it was yesterday-

Crawling through the narrow corridors of my veins,

Filling my bloodstream,

Weighing down on the loneliness already wrapped around my broken heart.

It followed my footsteps,

Swallowed my dreams.

It consumed me from the inside out.

I also remember crying.

Chest heaving,

 Nose running,

Ragged throat kind of crying.

It became everything while I became nothing,

Diminished and tired and hollow.

It festered overtime like an open wound,

Infection spreading,

Life threatening.

You never truly understand something unless it has happened to you.

I never thought that this would be me, but suddenly it was;

And nothing has ever hurt more.

You never understand something until it has happened to you.

Until you fall in love, the head over heels irreversible kind.

Until you loved unconditionally.

Until you experience that temporary joy.

Until you watch him leave you after two years.

Until you watch him close his eyes and take his last breath.

Until he takes your heart with him.

So you dear no one,

Will never understand why I pulled the trigger and wasn’t there to hear the silence that followed.

Me

Perfect's overrated, it's just not who I am.

I know I've never been one to follow the program.

You see, i have this non-conformance complex

A lion sleeps in my heart and a snake slumbers on my tongue.

I'm not easy to deal with, hard-headed, they say, but hey, I'm young.

I believe in earning respect.

I'm a bit random and maybe all over the place

I've always moved through the world at my own thunderous pace.

with a heart of gold, it's way too big if you ask me.

Getting hurt doesn't faze me, I'm too used to it by now

I'm not one to deal with beef, i'd rather give you the whole damn cow.

I am beyond mighty.

I am beyond definition, too bold to be subtle,

I've got a backbone of steel, not afraid to go into battle.

I am unique. I am Me.

Do me a favour

Do me a favour and stop telling me who to be.
Stop telling me how to live a life that was only given to me.
Don't chain me to your way of living, and stop reminding me that I'm not perfect.
People have reminded me of my faults way too many times in life,
they told me how I don't fit into the box that they label perfect and acceptable.
For once stop trying to make me someone I'm not.
I fit into my own star, I was never meant to be a square.
 I was meant to fly, not to walk on your road.
I was happy until people decided to make me think I wasn't perfect.
I love being me but if you keep squashing me under your boot then I might just let myself die.
You wouldn't want that kind of blood on your hands now, would you?
So do me a favour; leave me alone.
Let me be happy,
let me be free,
let me be imperfect,
let me be me...

Don't chain me to the cage you call life,
The most beautiful creatures are meant to roam free...

It's about time

It's about time

October greetings with the scent of the now blooming
Jacaranda trees. A gush of wind my only companion.
I let the water and pain and sorrow consume me and hide me
from the rest of the world. I submerge my pain under everyone
else's so that I almost become numb to it.
But what happens when they don't let me take on their world,
what happens when they don't let me carry their burden...
What happens when mine cannot be covered anymore,
when they come back and I feel the tears again.
I will try
hold my head up high, but cry myself to sleep,
I would try to hold it all together, but fall apart.
I can keep a smile on my face, but crack inside,
I could be happy, but can't let myself be.
It's about time I broke down my walls,
it's about time I opened my eyes,
it's about time I see that I am happy,
I just don't let it affect me. But now, I'm ecstatic.
I am filled with so much joy that I can't help but try to
spread it everywhere. Where my cup overflows I want
it to fill everybody else's.

broken hearted love

To compare thee to a summer's day, as warm and kind
your beauty so bright they say love is blind.

even though you broke my heart,
 you'll never fade from my sight
like a dove takes off in the morning light

a white lily burnt from sadness,
 raining down from my heart
we knew this love would end,
 right from the start.



Co-written by Earvin Beukes
St. Paul's college, Windhoek, Namibia
Gr . 8D

Sweet singing crow

The sun has gone down the stars are out,
the sweet singing crow sends me to sleep.
He dances on my grave and tramples my heart
till my soul is dead, my body his to keep,
tears of silver, tears of gold
sweetly singing my tears run cold.
I will a puppet be to his cold empty hand
twisting, wringing, sucking dry till I cant stand.
Pain, so loud and shouting and screaming,
till morning bitter dove's song wakes me from my dreaming.



Why does life hate me???